If I were to believe the world crafted by director Sam Raimi in Drag Me to Hell, I would surmise that loan extension approval would be no trouble for an experiences gypsy black arts practitioner. Why would a successful sorceress beg for approval when she can get demons to take care of it for her? Why stop there? She could host a TV show far better than James Van Praagh could ever summon.
Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is a young loan officer seeking a promotion to assistant manager. She’s an honest worker, but her boss is concerned that she’s too soft. To prove herself, she takes responsibility for declining an elderly woman’s attempt at a third loan extension. Little did she know, this was one deranged lady, capable of placing a destructive hex on Christine.
Anyone see a problem (or two) with this? Does this sound too familiar? I could have sworn this tale had been told. What’s more, writers Sam and Ivan Raimi curiously confine the curse and the mysticism involved by littering it with regurgitated clichés. As Christine seeks guidance, she runs across many who can offer help, only to have them do a contrived, “Oh, there is another way out that I forgot to mention.”
The terror element of the film is nothing more than having a decrepit old lady jump in front of the camera, and shriek with a piercing noise. That’s really about it, and it can happen at any random moment. After the first offense, mind you this is the loudest sound I have ever heard at the cinema, my ears were ringing. There is a gross-out factor to consider in the explicit fascination Raimi has with fluid coming from the mouth of old women. In the last act, there is an attempt to evoke a charm found in his earlier Evil Dead saga. This fails on two ends. Firstly, the tone of this film is ambiguous. It strikes me as serious for much, then when the action picks up there are moments which cause the audience to laugh at the screen instead of along with it. Lohman also offers up a poor suitor for the role of heroine. Her lines sound spewed from the mouth of a teen; Bruce Campbell she is not.
Naturally, as the curse progresses, few questions are answered. No attempt is mustered to explain why the demon doesn’t finish the task at hand. There is no time limit. Laughably, like Wile E. Coyote’s exploits with gravity, Christine at one point is impervious to danger until having realized her error. Her boyfriend (Justin Long) plays the part of the voice of reason, as though the audience needed it. Justin tries, but his lines, and everyone else’s are beyond awkward.
Drag Me to Hell teases the audience. It presents circumstances that are silly, loud, convenient, and anything but terrifying. Amazingly enough, with plot canyons in place, the ending makes for a rewarding sequence, somewhat. It certainly isn’t worth the ride, eardrum assault, or the price of admission to witness. Upon realizing that Drag Me to Hell is Evil Dead II without honest comedic appeal, you’ll find it anything but groovy. *½
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