I have three magazine subscriptions… still. I subscribe to Car and Driver, Automobile, and MotorTrend. I do this because I enjoy looking at pictures of cars I can’t afford while comparing them for the heck of it. The technology on display, design, and fantasy of being behind the wheel of cars that cost more than my residency is appealing me and I’m sure many other people feel the same way. Actually seeing them in motion, when you live in the Midwest, is impossible. Luckily TV exists. Thanks to that invention The History Channel is able to bring us Top Gear, a new show that features said cars. Before I get ahead of myself, a brief… history lesson is in order.
What if I were to tell you that the most popular English language TV program in the world involves a multitude of automobiles, would you be surprised? The show is called Top Gear. It is seen by 350 million people each week and it has fast cars, slow cars, broken cars, cheap cars, and project cars. Oddly enough the type of car featured during an episode has little to do with the quality or level of interest the show generates. I see the key to Top Gear lying in two camps. First there are the hosts: Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond. Their dry humor, sarcasm, motoring skills, and shared chemistry are the things that help TV execs sleep soundly within large castles. It is impossible to imagine a better trio to host a program centered around motoring adventures. Each week they test supercars, start projects, maybe even have a special guest drop by for a chat. Their adventures are what keep audiences coming back, and the exquisite caliber of the production, I believe, is a huge factor. Every test drive is shredded with the sharpest editing, shot beautifully, and overdone with surreal visual effects. This makes for something particularly beautiful to gaze upon other than the Italian machinery, and from a TV standpoint you’d be hard pressed to find a show with a higher degree of artisanship.
In 2009, NBC was ready to launch an America version of Top Gear. With the recent catastrophic failure of another yet entirely unrelated relauncehd car show called Knight Rider, the project was aborted. All that remained is a mythical Adam Carolla hosted pilot. Some time goes by and someone out there still sees the money to be made on brand recognition, and so History pulls together Top Gear for the US market hosted by Adam Ferrara, Tanner Foust, and Rutledge Wood. If you haven’t heard of these guys, you aren’t alone. The name Foust had come across my hears somewhere as it sounds family, and I could have sworn from the promos that Rutledge Wood was none other than film director Kevin Smith. At the moment there isn’t much to be made of this team. They don’t seem to be terribly well acquainted and maybe the pilot episode just didn’t capture their chemistry. They have mile wide shoes to fill, so at the least they didn’t trip.
The first episode was broken into roughly four segments. After a brief introduction, Tanner and Rutledge were in a feature showcasing the outgoing 2010 Dodge Viper SRT-10. In this segment, the two tested the car by going toe-to-toe with a Cobra attack helicopter (two snakes, get it?). This is along the lines of the spirited fun of the original program, but there were some snags. First, Tanner isn’t funny, or for that matter particularly interesting. I get that he’s the racecar driver of the group but he’s been a stuntman, not an actor. I wasn’t getting the feeling that he’s entirely accustomed to being “on”. At one point in the cat and mouse battle the Viper went into hiding in a carwash. This beckoned Rutledge to cut loose with some banter to which Tanner was unable to coherently reply. The end result being an obviously long pause as they tried to describe the car, grasping at straws to create a simile in which the Dodge Viper is Pamela Anderson.
Moving on, the team put the Viper through their test track for an official lap time in what might be the most controversial part of the show. As with the British take, the American effort has a secretive test driver decked in white with a helmet featuring a smoked vision. And like the original he bears the same name, The Stig. Wow History, your originality knows no bounds. Also worth noting is the lack of a comical introduction for the mystery man. Jeremy would introduce him with a new Chuck Norris style hyperbole each week, but here they waste no time putting him in the car and getting him around the track. Sadly they also removed the personality from The Stig by deleting the radio tunes as heard during his driving in the original. I suppose it would be a retread of their joke, but they already stole the character so they might as well live up to it. I’d at least have The Stig find some purpose beyond being a nameless driver. To no one’s surprise the lap time is impressive, and places at both the top and bottom of the leader board.
In a bit of a twist it is announced that each week a celebrity will drop by for a brief interview and a go at the same track, however they will be driving the much more civilian Suzuki SX4. For the show’s premiere, producers somehow managed to snag the highly sought-after Buzz Aldrin. I kid you not, this senior astronaut/dancer took to the course with killer instinct, and as with The Stig no one was shocked that he had placed first on the celebrity board.
In the final leg the team pitted three current Lamborghinis against each other. What perfectly wild and objective test did they conclude would define the winner? Standing mile runs. Lets not factor in that one of the models had rear-wheel drive and would surely get smoked in acceleration, or that one vehicle may have vastly better handling. This segment really didn’t prove anything, and the winner wasn’t a shocking discovery. It’s just not the thing that makes a viral YouTube clip. Three rather bland guys drive three outrageous cars—in a straight line,. Wake me when you’re finished. I’m sure Jeremy, James, and Richard would have devised something more impractical (read exciting).
I don’t feel the energy of original. The set is a brightly lit studio made faux-industrial with fabricated caution signs painted with burn marks by set dressers. Their crowd mimics the personal nature of the original program, where onlookers famously surround the circumference of the cast and crew-making themselves set decoration, only in the USA show the people are locked into one position and the hosts dare not leave their raised platform. It’s not a confidence building gesture. The production of the on location segments is not quite up to par with the juggernaut from the Prime Meridian. The absence of art filters and varied movie scores likely reflects a skimmed budget.
You may be wondering, much as I did, what’s wrong with the original program airing in the USA? Well it is playing here, but only on obscure channels and the rating has never tested high enough for a major network to chance placing new episodes in prime time. Part of the belief is that the English slang and weekly references to soccer would put off Americans. This isn’t the first time Top Gear has been adapted for a particular English language country; Australia has a brand already. For the sake of this show’s well being, I hope the producers find some ways to differentiate it in a positive light. They should aim to make the UK audience jealous that we got this team, and yeah I know that sounds impossible but it’s good to have goals. Instead this phoned in effort is acceptable TV when it should be exceptional.
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