#12 Wreck-It Ralph

This teaser poster for Wreck-It Ralph may not offer a recognizable classic video game character, but the blocky style can be quickly described by the target audience as 8-bit, ensuring that the old school video game message isn’t lost.

#11 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

This picturesque view may not be as grandious as those which promoted the prior trilogy, but I like the naive sensiblity of our lone hobbitt leaving home. Should have have some bags? Certainly.

#10 The Grey

One look at this face and you know The Grey is a man’s movie. The scar, snow, and look of determination in Neeson’s eyes tell you this is going to be a harrowing tale of wilderness survival.

#9 Skyfall

In a VOM first we have our first film to place on both the best and worst lists. When I arrived at the Sony screening for Skyfall, I knew there would be the usual bunch of full-size poster handouts. This is the one I wanted. With Bond stretched out in front of the 007 logotype, this is a poster indicative of action. Guess which poster Sony was handing out that night?

#8 Moonrise Kingdom

I did the searching for you to find the best quality of this poster, so I must implore you to click on the image here to see the stunning illustration detail.

#7 Pitch Perfect

You’re probably ready to call this a knock-off of the final Bridesmaids poster. I see this Pitch Perfect poster as an improvement on the formula with a better photograph, accentuated colors, and younger attitude.

#6 Man on a Ledge

A nice look down sends our eyes into the background populated by the world in rescue mode. I also appreciate the less aggressive approach of Brady Bunch squares for the cast’s vanity.

#5 Cabin in the Woods

This M.C. Escher inspired poster was deemed to classy for the crass target audience, who could easier relate to the crude floating house found in the final poster.

#4 The Apparition

2012 was the year of the retro poster. No poster better pulls off the three decades ago look better than this work for The Apparition. There’s no tacky simulated folds on this beauty. Even the fonts recalls late ’70s/early ’80s without attempting too much and risk betraying the style.

#3 Zero Dark Thirty

Scope out this redacted poster for the crowd-pandering, torture-approving jingoist love letter known as Zero Dark Thirty.

#2 Safe

Artistically this Safe poster is the most well-rounded of our entries. You get everything to need to sell a ticket. Tough guy Statham has a gun trained on you. He’s protecting this girl for some reason, which I’m sure is important. I love how the Instragram colors push the black level into blue while both Statham and his handgun surpass the credited border.

#1 V/H/S

The most mind-numbing film I saw all year happens to have the best poster of any film released in 2012. Every ounce of artist merit put into V/H/S (What idiot came up with slash marks in the title when we’ve never seen VHS spelt that way?) was absorbed by this poster. It’s a stoic arrangement which will surely place cult status on the film, unjustly.

Rules:

To qualify as one of the of the 12 worst movie posters of 2011, the corresponding film must have been released in 2012. This is an honor of measurable failure. Any independent film is disqualified from being among the worst products; they don’t have the marketing budget needed to throughly ruin a poster. However small films can be in the running for the best posters. Many major films produce a number of posters, allowing a single film to be represented in both lists. Another trend I despise is that of the character poster. This really kicked off when Hollywood decided to pillage comic books. Character posters don’t count as a movie poster; they are but one of many attempts at over branding. With the official poster being diffucult to determine, teaser posters do qualify.

Feel free to click on the images to see larger versions. Warning, some are huge.

#12 That’s My Boy

Not the worst poster to ever promote a lowbrow comedy. Though obviously proficient in Adobe’s Creative Suite, the standard front-and-center pose lacks creativity. Put Sandler and Samberg against a white backdrop and you’re taking us back to the ’90s, which in the least would explain why there’s so little happening. Beer cans on a lawn? That’s it?

#11 Total Recall

This remake is about a guy who had his memory altered, but this poster’s effort to show that makes me think poor Colin is digital. I don’t get the picture that he’s living a false life, but instead that he’s inside a computer program.

#10 Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD almost didn’t make the cut. It hardly played in theatres across the country (going VOD simultaneously), I never saw an advertisement, but it did cost Dimension Films $5 million. The poster is a little over worked and mirrored shades rarely offer such a a clear reflection. What confused me is the angle in which this young lady is seeing the deadly fish. It’s as though the lenses are submerged while she isn’t.

#9 The Dark Knight Rises

Oh boy. This is what happens when you take an interesting teaser and try to establish a motif from the previous film’s final poster. So here’s Batman looking angst-ridden against a chaotic cityscape from an impossible angle.

#8 The Expendables 2

I mostly listen to older music, but more often than not I hate the efforts made by so called throwback products. Do you remember any of these guys? Well maybe you had a few posters from their films that you half-hazardly tacked onto a wall. Maybe those posters were folded up and had creases. Well have we got news for you. Here’s a poster complete with simulated old school illustration and digital creases. Enjoy!

#7 Dark Shadows

Dark shadows huh? Well how come these characters all appear to be standing in even lighting?

#6 Skyfall

What we’re seeing here is a concentrated effort to merge the James Bond iconography into an entirely interchangeable poster, so long as the movie stars Daniel Craig. Nothing seen here derives from Skyfall, dropping zero hints to the plot or action. It’s as though a fan put this together on seeing the typography of the title.

#5 Resident Evil: Retribution

I get what’s going on here only because I saw where the previous film ended. Because I have seen  that previous movie, I could care less who Milla Jovovich is shooting at let alone why.

#4 Gone

Playing with a silhouette rarely goes this bad. There’s no rhyme of reason behind Amanda Seyfried’s face getting squeezed out and the light source on the hair ruins the whole point of working from within the silhouette.

#3 This Means War

Click on the image and look for the biggest goof of all movie posters in 2012. See it? Our leading men share the same hands.

#2 The Avengers

It’s a superhero pose-off! While others go for the same with less scrutiny, this poster for The Avengers is set in a realistic environment which makes the absurd proportions unintentionally laughable.

#1 Flight

I wonder if this showcase of negative space is the product of procrastination.

Beca isn’t entirely a willing participant, but joining the Bellas gives her something to do to appease her father, and even gets her closer to romantic interest Jesse (Skylar Astin), who is a new member of defending champions The Treblemakers. Jesse also has ambitions to score movies, a rather unique occupation in the scheme of theatrical narratives, which does something to accentuate Pitch Perfect without devolving into a scene-lifting rip-off. Looking at you Easy A.

Playing on the Bridesmaids concept of the antichick flick, the brash humor of Pitch Perfect plays out with little of the typical drama. The girls are each unique, given spotlight moments, and are each on the same page though they have a different shtick to their comedy. Stacie (Alexis Knapp) is the group’s promiscuous harlot. Lilly (Hana Mae Lee) is almost entirely inaudible—for comedic effect—raising questions as to why she was picked up by the Bellas. Cynthia Rose (Ester Dean) is a hip hop representing, gambling addicted lesbian. The scene stealer is Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson), a hyper-confident Tasmanian force of random quips and slapstick which send the belly into convulsions. There’s even a duo that go largely unnoticed by the audience simply for lampshade hanging. Returning Bellas Aubrey & Chloe (Anna Camp and Brittany Snow, respectively) do their best to send-up Bring It On.

Making his directorial debut, Jason Moore achieves a welcome blend. Beca is essentially pulled into this surreal, over-the-top world along with the audience. The a cappella songs are well presented, sung, and delightful. It may seem at times that Pitch Perfect is making fun of the a cappella community, but this approach is better than playing to the whims of the those members, evidenced by the gaudy style of the laughably serious Step Up franchise, which is even lampooned by Pitch Perfect through the riff off. Give some credit to the commentating team of John Michael Higgins and Elizabeth Banks who keep the mood light even during the heated competition.

Rated PG-13, Pitch Perfect may go places that some parents would prefer a young teen not, but this is a rather tame bunch of college geeks. Though the vocal performances are delightful, they are few enough in number to hold together a narrative which is mindful of avoiding clichés and plugging any holes with comedy. Pitch Perfect hits the high note. ***

Making good on the promise of the 2010 hit The Expendables, this sequel ups the ante in terms of carnage. Genre fans will be pleased by the near genocide of evil. There are bullet holes, explosions, blunt injuries, capitations, and even impalements which grant this movie its R rating.

Our legends are showing their mileage. The young guns, who are hovering around 40-50, get to jump, kick, dive, etc. The rest of the lot simply stand and shoot automatic rifles, with the exception of Stallone who absolutely must break a sweat in an effort to one-up the competition. For what it’s worth, the action is far easier to comprehend this time as director Simon West goes for a more traditional presentation. That look carries it’s own burden as The Expendables 2 appears outdated. There’s no effort at slow motion or the intricate tracking shots that one expects out of a today’s films. That the actors come from a different time doesn’t mean the filmmaking techniques should… ok, the CGI helicopters aren’t necessarily evocative of Commando.

The Expendables 2 seeks to rebel against the new hero standards which have caught the world on fire. In trying to defy the narrative set forth by the comic book adaptations, we have a series that touts real heroes but delivers cartoons. The Expendables 2 misses the opportunity to address the humanity in its non-superheroes. They don’t feel the effects of aging—a better source for comedic material than the obvious resume shout-outs. Spider-Man is more realistic in how he juggles a secret life, sustains injury, and tries to win over the girl. Barney Ross could have in the least been teased over taking Centrum Silver. **½

In a future where most of the Earth is decimated, Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) can’t shake his adventurous dreams. He heads to Rekall where vacations come in the form of memory transplants. In the process of becoming his own secret agent, Quaid discovers that his life is a lie. Wife Lori (Kate Beckinsale filling in for Sharon Stone but doubling for Michael Ironside and offering the best performance of the film) leads a chase to capture the awakened Quaid. Meanwhile freedom fighter Melina (Jessica Biel) attempts to persuade Quaid into finding his true identity and leading the cause against oppression.

This version of Total Recall does feature some upgrades. Of course visuals have come a long way. Where the original only had one computer-animated sequence involving primitive animated X-rays, this version has all the bells and whistles. There are maglev cars, a myriad of elevators, and a multitude of future housing developments. The art direction is noteworthy albeit not entirely original these days. You can see a frame of the 1990 version and understand immediately what you’re looking at with it’s consumer-ready technology; do the same with this movie and it’s another film looking back at Blade Runner. Fight sequences and most of the action come across as deft, if not too numerous.

The omission of the plot to free mars creates a chasm of asinine edits. The people at peril are never characterized. Since they aren’t sassy mutants, there’s trouble in understanding the context of early fan service. Only two inhabitable territories exist in the world. The Colony as it’s called (Australia) fills in for Mars but since it’s the early setting of the film there isn’t anything majestic about reaching it. The film hops between the Colony and the controlling British Federation with early going ease that it fails to divide acts.

The lack of Arnold Schwarzenegger helps one appreciate Arnold Schwarzenegger. For someone considered a bad actor, we never actually won a Razzie—he actually got an honorary Razzie for failing to win the award, but did get a Golden Globe. Like Sylvester Stallone, Schwarzenegger’s typical role, at the time of the 1990 original, exuded masculinity. However, the difference is in the touches of humor that always cropped up in the Schwarzenegger films. One can’t watch Predator without shouting to get to the chopper. Transversely Stallone’s Rambo never brings the fun factor. Looking back at the Total Recall (1990), little touches from Arnold make even the most gratuitous of Paul Verhoeven gore strangely comical. That odd nature interjects the ardor today’s films overlook. This remake is clinical. No mars, no mutants, no soul. **

The Occupy Wall Street movement gets to live out a wild fantasy in the closing chapter of Christopher Nolan’s Batman saga, The Dark Knight Rises. If you’re confused by the naming scheme, you’re not alone.

It’s been 8 years since Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) last played dress up in public. Crime is at a minimum across Gotham City, but underground trouble is brewing as new villain Bane (Tom Hardy) plots to seize control of the city. I’m not saying he wants to be come the top dog of the criminal underworld—he wants total control of the city.

Bane is trouble. His strength is fantastic by the standards established in the two previous films of this trilogy. So not only is he a handful, he’s problematic in helping this movie get away from Nolan’s realism approach. Bane has a breathing apparatus for what purpose I’m not entirely sure of, and his voice is an issue in of itself. Fans treated to the IMAX prologue lodged complaints over his inaudible language. What I heard in the final cut was mostly clear, but noticeably foreign like the words were more narration than diagetic. The ADR by Hardy is too laughable for a villain who must do the occasional public speaking—weren’t limelight speeches more a trait of lighter Batman of the ‘90s?

Not so sure about Batman’s plan to trust Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway), Catwoman in the comics but here is in passing referred to as a cat burglar. The LGBT community may enjoy how Selina is shown as presumably bisexual, they may also balk at the hint. There are times where Hathaway’s lines are a little too cute for this almost entirely depressing film.

This is a movie where the bad guy’s scheme is so insane that it only works because evidently most people in Gotham City are criminals at heart. If that’s true, then Batman certainly isn’t the hero the city deserves. The two previous films in this particular series had some imaginative schemes, but they weren’t so public as to literally take over a city. Strangely enough last year’s megahit video game Batman: Arkham City features a city controlled by criminals in a manner which, I dare say, is more believable.

For many The Dark Knight (2008) is the gold standard, and this film is expected to follow that act. The bar may have been set too high in large part thanks to the late Heath Ledger as the iconic Joker who spewed nothing but memorable material. Tom Hardy’s Bane never stood a chance.

At nearly three hours in runtime, The Dark Knight Rises spends almost every minute lowering the heroes. Just when you think it can’t get worse for Batman, here comes another scene to drive home the notion. Serious fans will appreciate the integration of key figures, even jokes about the more farfetched villains Killer Croc and Mr. Freeze. However these same fans will groan over the excessive meandering. It was only in the final battle that I could recognize the spirit of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. Then a signature Nolan conclusion sweeps in for further damage control, nearly convincing the viewer this wasn’t a knightmare. **½

Yes folks, on the left is the Batman porn parody costume from Vivid Entertainment’s upcoming The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody. Their costume is a very leather intensive, blacked out kit which appears to be modeled after Batman’s defacto outfit seen in the recent video game Batman: Arkham City. Dare I say, this is the best realized Batman costume I’ve ever seen! Great use of the cowl, ears, and integration of the chest emblem. I love how the boots, belt, and pouches are timeless and contemparary. You get the feeling a hero could throw them on, whereas the costume in The Dark Knight Rises is overwrought with needless machining that it would take many hands to craft even the belt. Good luck keeping that a secret Mr. Wayne.

Vivid’s crack team of frugal tailors again referenced Batman: Arkham City for this Catwoman costume. In the game, and after taking some time to get acclimated, I found this to be a reliable and feasible costume for the thief/heroine. The goggles trump Hathaway’s mask in so many ways I don’t know where to begin. Think of it like this: goggles have a function, a mask brings to mind the camp of the ’60s TV show. I also like the idea of covering the melon while allowing hair to flow out the back, preserving some femininity. This way whatever technology the ears deploy can be established as residing out of view. Anne is left with some blue light and maybe a weighty strap.

Lastly we have a poster comparison. It’s obvious as all get out that Vivid took aim and getting as close to copyright law possible to  The Dark Knight Rises teaser poster. The final poster from the Warner Bros. film is viewed by some as a letdown for working too close to the 2008 The Dark Knight poster. Honestly, the parody poster is anything but cheap. They have their own Batman symbol shaped by debris, and it looks just as good as the official art work. The parody retains the ghostly cool palette from the teaser poster and adds Batman in a more authoritative stance than seen in the Warner Bros poster. With an indirect angle, it’s nothing like the final poster from The Dark Knight and even show’s their star’s face. Christian Bale must not be a very big factor in selling tickets.

Whose work do you prefer? Leave your comments below and please share with your friends.

I’ve never appreciated Wes Anderson. I’ve never gone out of my way to see his little corduroy clad hipster films. That’s probably because my first exposure to his work came 10 years ago when I rented The Royal Tenenbaums, a movie about nothing more than the posturing of unrealistic traits and staring at the camera head on. His latest effort, Moonrise Kingdom, is my effort to give him a second chance.

It’s mid-1960s New England and Khaki Scout Sam (Jared Gilman) is missing. He flew the coupe and Scout Master Ward is tasked with finding him, which fits nicely with the mythos of summer camping. Police Captain Sharp (Bruce Willis) is mounts his own search, only to find that local girl Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward) has joined Sam. The two plot to get away from the conflicts in their lives, but have to meet with a dose of reality.

The odd style director Wes Anderson has developed over the years goes into full effect. It doesn’t matter if it’s a stop motion animated map sequence or Edward Norton’s childish way of receiving a thrown shoe, there isn’t a shot in Moonrise Kingdom lacking in auteur theory stylization. The actors are almost always framed with stage production awareness.

The robotic charm put on by the cast is a perfect fit for the presentation. It’s actually quire endearing. That’s not to say anyone is particularly believable, but there is an effort to strike against that notion. A strong performance is believable within the context of a film’s reality, which isn’t always our own. That’s what gives this comedy-drama some charm. It’s funny that a 12-year old boy paints landscapes and nudes. It’s funny that getting hit by lightning goes all but forgotten. For you and I the lingering effects would encompass our entire day, but for Sam it’s no biggie.

Another dose of charm comes in the juxtaposition of the harmony created by the kids and the convoluted and bureaucratic world the adults preside over. I could go as far as to say the conclusion is storybook predictable, or the overt bluntness of the narrative cheapens any sense of crafty subtleness. Moonrise Kingdom may be about kids, but the themes and some suggestive material make it more for the adult who recalls The Goonies. ***

Philippe (François Cluzet) is a paralyzed millionaire in search of a new caretaker. Enter Driss (Omar Sy) a working class man trying to work the system for government benefits. When his plan for a quick signature accidentally impresses Phileppe, Driss is brought on board as the new caretaker. The clash of their backgrounds presents an opportunity for each other to learn.

Directors and writers Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano weave a tale based on a real life relationship in a manner that is never condescending, or wrought with whimsy fanfare. The testing nature of Driss and the indulgence shown by Philippe make for a fantastic duo. With well natured jabs that never let up, you’d almost buy into The Intouchables as a comedy.

The real star of the show is Omar Sy in the breakout role of Driss. His comedic timing and vigor bleed through any subtitles. Sy is remarkably versatile with a range of emotions as well as dance. You believe him as a tough hood capable of handling a snooty driver, and at the same time the progression between the rest of the staff makes it entirely believable that they’d take to him in the long run.

In my experience, American audiences are intolerable subtitles. We have the technology for quality dubbing. Check out The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on DVD for proof—it’s no archiate martial arts flick. Maybe presenting The Intouchables with subtitles is part of the grand scheme of The Weinstein Company to justify a Hollywood remake, of which they do hold the rights. Where there’s a buck to be made, you can count on our domestic movie industry to find it.

The Intouchables may get some scorn for the racial conditions of the casting. Driss doesn’t share the ethnicity of his true story counterpart. The conclusion of the film goes to efforts to highlight this, even including an update where the newly introduced name jars the audience. Sy’s performance is of a caliber where the question of placing blame would never cross the mind of the average attendee nor should it be a focal point for criticism. Whoever chose Sy evidently found the right man for the part.

The Intouchables is the best entry in the subgenre of purely patient/caretaker narratives. With both offering the right amount of attitude, and the right lack of stereotypical behavior, The Intouchables hits all the right notes. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll appreciate what life has to offer. ***½

The Amazing Spider-Man dresses up a story that everyone in the country already knows, and most have already seen. It achieves a better, less happenstance vision of the origin of the Spider-Man character than the 2002 Spider-Man, which launched Marvel’s entire strategy toward brining their catalogue of characters to the screen.

Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) is in high school when he’s bitten by a radioactive spider, which gives him superpowers so he can fight crime. He lives with Aunt May (Sally Field) and Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen), but only for so long. This time his love interest is the less iconic but more comic-oriented Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone).

Director Marc Webb—what a name—makes every effort to make this the series fans want. Spider-Man is the comic book’s smart alec. The visual effects are Oscar worthy, featuring fluid combat and artistic attributes that would make the comic book colorists proud. Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker isn’t the all out dweeb played up by Tobey Macguire. Still, I have to take some issue with how this film’s villain, a lizard mutant played by Rhys Ifans, hears voices in his head. I also can’t get past how Spider-Man is skillful enough a tailor to stitch his amazing garb unassisted; maybe instead of scenes showing his skateboarding prowess we could have gotten him knitting.

The Amazing Spider-Man is presented in 3D, and I did see it as thus. In the more static scenes of dialog I lifted the plastic frames to see if anything was 3D at all, and the screen was almost entirely clear to the naked eyes. Even during the more intense moments the 3D didn’t push to the extremes, where I find double vision occurs. For the most part there were maybe three moments where 3D filmmaking was really an objective and two of these bookend the movie.

The Amazing Spider-Man is considerably better than Spider-Man (2002) and the latest Marvel flick The Avengers. The people tasked with making it deserve praise, but the process for which it came to be is entirely unscrupulous. Marvel and Sony purposely crafted an awful Spider-Man 3 to build support for a reboot effort. This movie is the child of a bean counter’s inartistic, unapologetic effort to make a sure buck. I’m sick of what the industry has become. Shamed to have bought into the notions, I now see that a movie which gives a too familiar origin tale can not be truly recommended. N/A